It also includes obligatory inspections for virginity and female genital mutilation. This could be because of underage immaturity, illness, disability, or the influence of alcohol or other drugs, or due to intimidation or pressure. For instance, in Malawi some parents arrange for an older man, often called "hyena", to have sex with their daughters as a form of initiation. In northern Ghana, for example, payment of bride price signifies a woman's requirement to bear children, and women using birth control face threats of violence and reprisals.
Commentary on popular culture and society, from a mostly psychological perspective Sunday, June 18, Walking on Eggshells: Dealing with the Borderline in Your Life Many times, patients or others ask me for a recommendation for a book or help for dealing with an angry, destructive person who is ruining their emotional health.
My recomendation for a self-help book when coping with the aftermath of the borderline personality is Stop Walking on Eggshells: But first of all, what is a borderline and how do know if that is what you are dealing with?
Certainly, one cannot diagnose someone without evaluating them, but many times, the descriptions people give me of their significant other, parent, child, or friend leads me to wonder if the advice seeker is dealing with a borderline.
There are even books on how to divorce a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality that give strategies to reduce the damage done to a person during the process.
In a book entitled, "Splitting," one section looks at how a borderline can convince your own lawyer that they are right and turn the lawyer against you--I believe it and have seen it happen. I have worked in places where people believe that a borderline must be right because they are "intelligent.
So what do you do when encountering the borderline in your life? Here are some tips from "Stop Walking on Eggshells" page with some of my own advice thrown in--for brevity's sake, I will list just a few, but if you want more detail-- get the book or go to BPD Central.
You can try to placate the borderline and work hard to give them love, care etc.
Instead--reflect the painful feelings of the borderline back where they belong--with the borderline. Show by your actions that you have the bottom line. Communicate the limits clearly and act on them consistently.
Protect yourself and your children by removing them and yourself from the situation. For example, if a borderline flies into a rage and starts accusing you of things you did not do, tell him or her that you will be taking the kids out until they calm down and you can talk later.
Figure out your personal limits get help from a therapist if needed and communicate these to the borderline in a clear manner. However, ask for changes in behavior, not necessarily for changes in feelings--that is, you can ask them to change the behavior of yelling at you, but don't tell them not to be angry.
Finally, the best advice for those who are not yet involved legally with a borderline is a statement I heard from a colleague recently, "Borderlines make great girlfriends or boyfriends but you wouldn't want to marry one. Children of those with BPD have trouble in future relationships by seeking out the love of the BPD that they could never get or by avoiding people in the future for fear of more emotional blackmail.
Spouses of the BPD seem devastated and often end up with lives of quiet desperation or in the throes of accusations in court and parents end up believing that they are inadequate and incompetent. None of it sounds promising. Have any readers been involved with a borderline personality disorder--either married to one, or have a parent, child or friend with this disorder-and if so, how did you cope?
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An upsurge in cases of men refusing to grant their wives a religious divorce is causing mounting alarm in Australian Jewish communities, but the Government is refusing to intervene in what it.